Gay men dating high standards shallow

There is nothing wrong with having high standards. When it comes down to it, we don't have much control over who we are attracted to. It's natural for gay men to be attracted to hot men, and to desire to be with hot men. I am not shaming them for it. I am just the same. I have not been very successful with dating and hook ups. I am not unattractive, and I am an academic high achiever, but I am overweight and balding, and I feel this makes me unattractive. I am now on a diet, and I have a personal trainer. I have lost 16 pounds since November ! I treat my hairloss with finasteride and I am planning to get a hair transplant.

I buy good clothes, good haircuts, and I take excellent care of my teeth etc. I realised I should stop complaining about gay men not finding me attracted. Instead I am doing everything in my power to make the best of myself.

I Find Most Men Unattractive. What’s Wrong With Me?

I feel so good for it. Here's the thing. I have been turned down by many men who themselves weren't perfect. Far from it. They were just average guys. I don't hold this against them, because I have also have turned people down. Really, we like what we like and everyone has their own standard of hot.

Some guys like those who are young, old, etc. Instead of trying to change yourself you should probably find someone who likes you for who you are. Do you enjoy exercise, or are you doing it to find a partner? Two very different things there. I am doing it to find a partner first and foremost.


I understand what you are saying, but it has been difficult to find someone who likes me for who I am. That's is why I am trying to make the best of myself. There is a problem with that mentality. If you are exercising to find a partner, once you find one you stop.

Then the partner doesn't actually like you because all he cared about was you losing 5lbs, and breaks up. The cycle repeats. Nothing wrong with exercise. I love it and want a partner to exercise with me.

Body politics: Just how important are looks to gay men?

If someone was only at the gym to get my attention, it really wouldn't last. I kind of understand what you are saying, but the thing is, not many slim gay guys will be interested in me if I remain fat. I don't enjoy exercise as a hobby, but I would enjoy being slim. Is that not a good enough reason to exercise? Lol who enjoys dieting? We still have to diet though.

Otherwise we would be fat and die prematurely. I don't get your logic. If all you care about is how someone looks naked, then you have unrealistically high standards. Attraction is way more than just looks. It is how you hold yourself, act, treat others, etc. Until you learn to appreciate those things, then you will only go after equally shallow and unrealistic gays as you.

True true. All you say is true. But look, let's not be naive, it's a good thing to look the best you can. You can't honestly hold that against me??? Looking good naked is a real boost to self-esteem. I was fit once and it was awesome.


It's not shallow to want to look hot. I am sorry it's not. I don't disagree.

You should look good for yourself, not to attract someone who is slim. If all you care about in a potential partner is their body, then yes you are shallow. Being fit is a lifestyle, it isn't something you just do. If you don't want to be healthy, it isn't going to last man. If you are having trouble meeting people, then try joining groups or clubs that interest you. Its easier to date when you have things in common as opposed to just want to bang.

I, for example, don't really mind what someone's face looks like, whether they are balding or have a few spots here and there, but probably wouldn't be interested in anyone who isn't a little bigger than myself either a little fatter or more muscular, or even both and a little taller although I am 5'5 so it's not hard.

It's just the way a lot of people are. Try not to take it to heart if you aren't having a lot of success, these people dont mean it personally they are just trying not to waste your time.

JayLove47 on Gay Men Being More Shallow Than Straight Men | Lipstick Alley

Date me then. I fit all the other criteria. You'll be the first person ever to be that way if you're honest about it. Try not to take it to heart Don't take it out on others if you aren't having a lot of success,.

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If you're going after guys very much within your league and are always constantly rejected, yeah, there's a reason why and you do take it to heart. Best advice is to kindly accept it I'm in the process of doing so , and not getting ANGRY and taking it out on others. What I meant by not taking it to heart was to not feel down about the things you cannot change yourself.

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Obviously OP is doing a lot of self improvement and that is great, but should equally not be dispirited by rejections from people who are looking for something they just can never have. Nearly all of them end up finding it, which is why everybody has those standards.

Gay Men Answer Dating, Relationship, and Marriage Questions

The OP wouldn't have trouble most likely if these guys he was pursuing weren't encouraged by others' success like them. It is what it is, that's just life. But saying don't let it get you down, if you are one of the unlucky ones, is like saying "don't let that you're unlovable due to things you can't change get you down, just keep your chin up! I do, but gay men in general? Keep working on losing weight and you'll get more attention. Don't focus on the fact that guys you find ugly don't want to fuck you, it literally doesn't matter.

Hasn't helped me at all. At all. Get Queerty Daily Subscribe to Queerty for a daily dose of life bodyimage dating stories and more 13 Comments Creamsicle The population n values for this survey are ridiculous. For all we know the participants who said they were regular tinder users are also at risk of poor self image because of their increased social media consumption and presence.

And without any of the actual charts and criteria used to determine a statistical correlation this claim is less than meaningless. People will believe or disbelieve this study based more on their personal experience than on what this survey actually says. This article is specifically about Tinder, which I think has a mostly hetero audience, so it may really be more of a dating app. Or they even use the two terms interchangeably, sometimes within a single paragraph!